A Random Discourse on the State of Random Things

Well. I haven't thought of a coherent blog entry, but I have lots of stuff to say, so I shall just ramble and ramble and ramble and ramble for after all this is my blog and I have the inalienable right to ramble on it. To make it less obviously rambly, I shall attempt to organise them into discrete points.

1. On Apples
No no not on Apple, on apples. The red or green edible kind, not the expensive airconditioner-remote-like rectangular thingy with a wheel thingy that mysteriously goes 'click' when you twirl it. Well yes now, what of apples? Well they come in all sorts of shapes and sizes and colours and prices. The kind I particularly like is a kind of yellowish-red, and about the size of a ping-pong ball costing about S$2 for a pack of about five, while the largest I have seen was blood red, of the size of a cantaloupe and cost S$14 each. Which of course leads you to suspect that the kind of apple that William Tell balanced on his poor son's head and shot with an arrow was the huge red kind that simply screams "AIM HERE" and is impossible to miss, rather than the comparably microscopic variety that I gobble up in about, oh two bites. And apples just taste so nice, you know. Sweet, firm, crunchy, with a slight powdery taste... that's how I like my apples. And Xiang the hamster likes his apples too. He gets one slice about once a week, and the juice makes his whiskers all sticky.

2. On A Visit to my Grandparents'
Just yesterday I went to my grandparents' house for a visit and to spend the night there. Their doctrine seems to be "early to bed and early to rise, makes you healthy, wealthy and wise" , and their daily schedule (which is like clockwork) is almost 2-3 hours earlier than most people's. For example, I arrived at 3pm in the afternoon. At 5pm, I was told that dinner was served and would I please go eat my dinner now. Having just had my lunch at 2pm, I was feeling extremely uncomfortable and only managed to get all the food down by sheer willpower. It didn't help much that my grandmother was looking displeased at me eating "so little" when in fact I was eating enough for two elephants. Then my grandmother was scandalized to hear that I did not intend to retire to bed by 8pm(which is when she went to sleep) and after giving me a lecture on the evils of sleeping late, she insisted I drink a mug of Milo because I would be hungry. Right. Being the obedient granddaughter I complied, and rose to make the hot drink. She was utterly horrified, as she was sure I was going to scald myself or drop the hot water flask on my toe or something and she would be scolded by her son for letting anything happen to his precious daughter while she was in her house. Sigh. Anyway, the next day, I had breakfast at 9am and lunch at 10.30pm. And I am feeling very sick indeed thank you very much. (This doesn't change the fact that I adore my grandmother absolutely, forcefeeding notwistanding)

3. On CSI
Yeah I'm talking about the show where someone inevitably gets murdered every episode and then a group of people come along with all their powders and flashlights and other toys and have a jolly good time. I AM A TOTAL FAN! Of CSI and the spinoffs CSI: NY and CSI: Miami, though I like CSI best. (I like CSI : Miami least. One of the actors has puppy eyes that irritate me) It's just so interesting! You know. Bugs. Dead bodies. Cool tech equipment. Gory autopsies.... This is my sort of thing you know? Especially the bug part. You won't believe how many different types of bugs feature on this show. And the tarantulas. Cool. And I absolutely love it when they test-fire shotguns. Boom.

Schmetterling is a Blog Pirate

Stole this off Huijie's blog. Bwah

I AM: having a monster headache from a little too much coffee. See, the problems with legal drugs like caffeine is that they will be abused up down and inside out by people like me, who need daily fixes to prevent themselves from jumping off a building or bashing their brains out on a concrete wall.

I WANT: inspiration. Which has very cleverly eluded me ever since... oh, eight to ten months ago? Wait. That corresponds roughly to the start of my drug habit. Hmmmmmmm.

I WISH: that I actually had the motivation to do something worthwhile with my time and not just spend the whole day sitting at home getting hyped up on caffeine. I also wish that my A level results were better so I wouldn't be in this depressing state right now.

I HATE: humankind in general, ginger, mangoes, rock,pop,metallica and all the other modern nonsense masquerading as "music", coffee withdrawal syndromes, sitting around all day at home doing nothing, getting bored, children under the age of 12 (I'm not too sure if they're classified under "humankind"..)... and et cetera et cetera.

I MISS: the days of artistic productivity. And my friends. And school. Sadly. At least then I had something to do when I was all hyped up on caffeine. Now I don't have homework and my science mags come only once a month. *Taps head* whatever used to be inside this has now migrated to Mars and I miss it. Hey brain if you see this, write me okay?

I FEAR: nothing. Except of course, boredom, lack of coffee...

I HEAR: voices in my head telling me that I'm a worthless idiot with a drug habit and I should drown myself only that I probably would screw up my suicide attempt like everything else. Just joking. I assume people want to know what I listen to, so I hear : classical music including opera and some broadway and crossover classical. Il Divo is nice.

I WONDER: about how I can overcome my drug habit. And about things like why humanity is so hopeless and when humans are going to nuclear-blast themselves out of existence. In my spare time I ponder upon this very serious question : why hasn't anyone made nice instant coffee? It is after all the 21st century already.

I REGRET: not having the guts (and motivation) to nuclear-blast humans out of existence. Well and a couple of other dark mysterious evil things that I'd rather not discuss.

I AM NOT: crazy. I think. Well maybe I am. Well, not really. Hmm. Am. Not. Am. Not. Am. Not. Am. Not...

I SING: Yes I sing but nobody who listened ever lived to tell the tale. Stay well clear, people.

I CRY: when watching war films. Am always a sucker for them. Sniffle.

I AM NOT ALWAYS: as even-tempered and calm and steady as I seem. I have my explosive moments and shrapnel can hit anyone within a 10km radius.

I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: big messes. Oh well. Some people call it art. Or music. I just call it paint blotches and noise.

I WRITE: in cursive or in a slanted round hand. And I write mainly stuff like "Dear diary I pooped three times today" and " Saturday 4 pm Tuition at that god-forsaken part of Singapore again".

I CONFUSE: people when I ramble too much. Like say, now. And I also confuse people's names and faces. I am very bad at remembering people. I'm sorry if I can't remember you or your name after 6 months of not seeing you. I also confuse myself when counting money. You see, I am mathematically deficient.

I NEED: coffee. Not now though. Bloody headache.

I SHOULD: get back to working on those trills. I can't do trills to save my life. Then again I don't have a life to save. So the point is, I can't do trills.

I START: start what. Okay. I start every day by going to the bathroom, then drinking a glass of water, then having my breafast, then...

I FINISH: everything that I start. Trust me. I hate to leave loose ends hanging.

I LOVE: my pweetchy lil' hammie. (Translation: I love my pet hamster.)

I REMEMBER: too many things, mostly bad. I also remember first impressions of people, if nothing else. I also remember to feed my hamster every day, even though he's getting quite fat.

I TAG (I added this meself) : Ger, Damian, WK, Eugene (both), Zhiyong (GET YOUR ASS OFF THAT SOFA AND BLOG), Timo and whoever wants to do this.


Finito.

WHY IS IT SO *BEEP*ING HOT?!

The weather is absurdly hot these days, thanks in part to the chimpanzee sitting in a white-washed house in a particularly obnoxious greenhouse-gas-spewing country. (Did you know someone called him the "greatest environmental villian of our time" ? He absolutely deserves it. Bah.)


I can't walk two steps without sweating profusely.

And my aircon isn't working.

And I had to walk under the hot sun for 20 minutes up a bloody hill.

And I'm about to take my second shower of the day.

BAH.

Weirdy Bloggy Stuff

Instructions: Name 20 people you can think of at the top of your head. dont read the questions before you write, and tag 5 pple to do this survey.

1. Geraldine
2. Damian
3. Zhiyong
4. Eugene Chan
5. Timothy
6. Huijie
7. Woon Keat
8. Yitian
9. Justin
10. Tsinli
11. Elizabeth
12. Alvin
13. Bong
14. Chee Gake
15. Wan Ting
16. Zhixuan
17. Delin
18. (I had to ponder very long...so sad my memory is failing me) Alex.. OH NO HOW COULD I HAVE FORGOTTEN MY JIE JIE
19. (Ditto) Lileng
20. (Ditto too) Kheng Whee


How did you meet 14? (CG) Hmm. First I heard her name being mentioned and thought it sounded like a hokkien phrased for "pissed off". Then during CO prac I heard the name being said again and again and again and I was getting pretty "Chi Ghek" from not knowing who it was. Then during one election I finally learnt who she was. Gradually became pretty friendly.

What would you do if you never met 1? (Ger) Oh dear. Become even more cynical and probably have shut the rest of the world out during JC. You see, spending a lot of time with a gregarious and (excessively) softhearted person rubs off on you. I would also be lacking countless arguments on the presence or absence of a god. (Ger is a Christian while I am an atheist) Ger is the closest friend I've had for quite a while, and I would be missing a great deal if I never met her. Well. This is inadequately expressed in words. Anyway, Ger, I'm glad to have met you.


What would you do if 20 and 9 dated? (Juz&KW) First, I would faint and be sent to the nearest hospital's ER. Next,(after I have sufficiently recovered) I would subject J to a through interrogation, bare room, bright lights and all. When my morbid curiosity has been satisfied, I would congratulate them, feel very very proud of knowing a gay couple, present them with wedding gifts and recommend they migrate to a country/state where gay marraiges are allowed.

Did you ever like 19? I'm assuming in the romantic sense. The answer is a firm no, because Schmetterling is as straight as a flagpole.

Would 6 and 17 make a good couple? (Huijie&Delin) You know, I don't think Huijie likes younger men. And also, Delin is kinda too mild and tame for Huijie. He'd probably die of a heart attack after a few dates. And if he isn't dead by then, Huijie would have expired of boredom.

Describe 3. (Zhiyong) Well. Mr. Nice Guy. Yitian's parents seem to hold him as the epitome of good character, so you know. Haha. Also quite smart and if I'm not wrong, addicted to TV. All in all, it is GAG's official opinion that he has the perfect personality for being a house-husband. Haha.

Do you think 8 is attractive? (Tian) Ah. Yes. Of course.

Tell me something about 7. (Woon Keat) Aka Nadia/other female gymnasts. Backup dancer and the N in GANG. Heheh. His favorite word (or rather, sound) is "Mng", which does not mean he wants to shop at Mango. Really fun person to hang out with.

Do you know any of 12's family? (Alvin) Nope.

What's 8's favourite? ( Tian) Favorite what? Well, if it's activity, it's probably slacking. Hahahaha :D If it's phrase, it's probably "sucks". Sorry Tian. Hehe.

What would you do if 11 confesses that he/she likes you?. (E-beth) I would laugh till I hyperventilated and died. That would solve all the potential knotty problems.

What language does 15 speak? (Wanting) English, Mandarin, Cantonese

Who is 9 going out with? (Juz) No one? I think... hehehee.

How old is 16 now? (Zhixuan) 17 going on 18? Or already 18?

When was the last time you talked to 13? (Bong) On Monday.

Who's 2 favourite band/singer? (Damian) I don't know. He listens to so many artistes, most of whom I didn't know existed until he blogged about them. Maybe you want to tell me? haha.

Would you date 4? (E.Chan) No, sorry. Just isn't my type. Good friend and gossip buddy though.

Would you date 7? (Woon Keat) Groan. No. No. No. Too many "mngs" will kill me.

Is 15 single? (WanTing) Yes. I THINK.

What's 10's last name? (Tsinli) Chua.

Would you ever be in a serious relationship with 11? (E-beth.) No. As I said. I would hyperventilate and die.

What school does 3 go to? (Zhiyong) Officer Cadet School. Bwaha.

Where does 6 live? (Huijie) Jurong. Somewhere. Hehe.

Whats your favourite thing about 5? (Timo) Haha. He can be quite funny at times especially when accusing people of things. And of course he helps be do stuff. Like buy games. :D Thanks Timo!

Schmetterling Misses School

Yes.... Schmetterling misses school...

The scratchy, insanely heat-insulating uniform...

The cranky lecturers that threatened to blow the roof off by the sole power of their diaphrams...

The blissful honey-drenched feeling of falling asleep during a particulary 'interesting' GP lesson...

The running around and squealing and generally acting crazy...

Watching Ger's scrunchie being used as a tennis ball..

The atrocious canteen food, with the milk tea that can give you diarrhea ..

The aromatic toilets, dimly lit with frightening orange lights...and of course the Flush that Went Mad..

The hours of lazing around at the class bench, chit-chatting about everything under and possibly over the sun..

The immensely popular astrology lectures given by Baron Bigsheepy...

The peals of laughter that ensue (mainly from me, I admit) when Alex gives Ger an almighty poke in the ribs..

Sigh... I want to go back to school :(

Schmetterling's Week)

Schmetterling has had a rather eventful week. And as Schmetterling has become hopelessly stupid and cannot think of any witty blog content, Schmetterling has decreed that her (dwindling) readers must of necessity be bored by her day-by-day account of events.

Don't worry it isn't that bad. I think.

Monday: Monday was a public holiday and was thus spent meaningfully sound asleep in bed. In her few waking hours Schmetterling went for her piano lesson, during which she was struck dumb by the unspeakably holy sight of her teacher's brand-new grand piano glowing with magnificence (or reflected light). Awed by its splendor, Schmetterling was of course less than attentive to her piano playing and was soundly reprimanded by the teacher for being a "borderline pass". Chi-chi the dog agreed. =(

Tuesday: Tuesday was a very bad day. Schmetterling was overworked in the office and returned home to find that her beloved Ah Bao had died of unknown causes. R.I.P, little one.

Wednesday: Wednesday was the accursed Day of Boredom. Because both of the executives Schmetterling was under had either vanished into a parallel universe or forgot what they wanted Schmetterling to do, Schmetterling spent most of the day at the office staring at the (blank) computer screen or hopping around the office (in sheer boredom). Also of note : Wednesday was the historic date when three quarters of the females in the office wore the same colour combination - black top and blue jeans. Also of interest : a tree fell on a colleague's car, causing Schmetterling much merriment.

Thursday: Thursday was Half-Day at work because Schmetterling had to collect something in the morning. Thursday evening was also Mythbuster (tv programme) night, in which the mad-scientist Mythbusters tested whether silicon breast implants would expand and explode at high altitude, among other amusing things involving massive explosions, a cellphone, gallons of gasoline, cheap CDs, lots of power tools,silk lingerie and a fire department.

Friday: Friday was Mad Day. The senior executive, knowing that her overproductive temporary staff would be gone on the morrow, leaving her with truckloads of paperwork, decided to make the most of Schmetterling's last day. Schmetterling spent the entire day frantically jabbing at the keyboard trying to key in about 10 kilos (of paper) worth of data. Due to her herioc effort, Schmetterling managed to complete this Herculean task with 6 minutes to spare. Hee hee.

Saturday: Upon arrival at her tuition student's house, Schmetterling was freaked out by a ferocious, rabid inch-long pet fish that threatened to break out of its precariously fragile plastic tank and go for Schmetterling's throat. Schmetterling unfortunately had to spend the rest of the session seated next to the said tank and jumping nervously each time the obviously mad fish bumped its face against the tank walls trying to get at her. Schmetterling thinks it is because she might have eaten his cousin for brunch. Schmetterling doesn't think anyone knows how it feels like being hated by a fish. Schmetterling has evil plans to spike Mad Fish's food if this continues.

R.I.P Ah Bao

I discovered him dead and in rigor when I came home from work today. I cannot find a possible cause of death - last night at around 2 a. m Bao was still his normal self...

Will miss you, Bao.

Schmetterling's Visit to the Foot Reflexologist

Schmetterling has just been for a wonderfully relaxing foot massage.

Don't give Schmetterling that look. Schmetterling knows what you're thinking. No, Schmetterling may not have a broken ankle or anything but Schmetterling needs to relax ok? It's perfectly justifiable for Schmetterling to spend $20 on an invigoratingly painful foot rub.

Anyway Schmetterling was concentrating on suppressing a scream when another sinseh came in with a 6 or 7 year old boy. The poor boy apparently had something terribly wrong with him (perhaps he misbehaved too much?), for the sinseh proceeded to stick a few dozen pins into his head, hands and feet, accompanied by the enthusiastic howling of the little brat. Eventually he completed his task, and the little brat now assumed the appearance of a little bratty porcupine. The sinseh brought in an odd looking contraption with wires and clips, and attached the clips (attached to wires) to the needles that were protruding from his scalp. He then plugged in the contraption to the nearest power point and turned it on, sending pulses of electricity through the wires, clips and down the needles. Now everything was starting to look like a sci-fi horror movie. The brat of course, resumed howling and flopping his little pin-studded hands and feet while his mother looked disinterestedly on.

Meanwhile the reflexologist attending to Schmetterling was pummelling and prodding and kneading Schmetterling's feet. After a few particularly hard prods, he looked up at Schmetterling and stated solemnly "You have a gassy stomach and hiccup often." and resumed prodding and kneading. A few minutes or so later, he looked up again and annouced " you are something of an insomniac" and proceeded to pound his fists on Schmetterling's calves.

Schmetterling did not think that foot reflexologists were supposed to be psychics.

On Why Women Should Not Wear Low Cut Tops

..

It merely increases the probability of a cockroach falling into your cleavage.

...

And I wasn't wearing anythign particularly revealing.


I hate cockroaches.

Ah Bao's Visit to the Vet

One stuffy Friday evening, Schmetterling returned home from practice very hot and tired. Stumbling into her room, she sensed that something wasn't right. So she trotted over to the cage, where Xiang immediately ran to her looking for a tidbit. Bao however remained quietly in a corner looking very miserable indeed, almost as if he were nursing an extremely bad toothache. Being an ultra-responsible pet owner, Schmetterling immediately panicked and spent the rest of the night Googling for the addresses of nearby veterinary clinics.

The next morning, Schmetterling hurriedly packed Ah Bao into a carrier cage, ignoring the squeals of laughter coming from her father who was highly amused at the thought of bringing a rat to see a doctor, and set off for the nearest vet. clinic in Sembawang.

Upon reaching, Schmetterling felt highly uneasy holding Bao in his little cage, as the clinic was packed full of huge hungry-looking carnivorous canines that were just paying too much attention to the carrier. Thus Schmetterling passed time in the waiting room hugging the cage close and eyeing all the dogs with great suspicion.

"Um how do you pronounce B-a-o?" "Um. Beaw?" Overhearing this conversation between the veterinary nurses, Schmetterling knew it was Ah Bao's turn for consultation. She entered the consultation room only to find a very skinny pale bespectacled vet in a white lab coat next to a rather large and tanned nurse.

Vet: So what's wrong with him?

S: He isn't eating or drinking and he's been twitching a lot.

Vet: Hmm. He still looks pretty alert. [Picks up sleepy Ah Bao]

Vet: Ah... Looks like his mouth is a bit swollen. [Pries Ah Bao's mouth open, to his extreme consternation. Excessively long incisors come into view]

Vet: Ah... look his teeth are too long. It's curving backwards and cutting into the flesh of the mouth, which is causing him some pain. That's why he doesn't feel like eating much. You see? [Pries Bao's mouth even bigger] Rodent's teeth never stop growing.

S: Ah yes. Oh dear. It's very odd, because he has a wood block to chew on.

Vet: His teeth curve backwards instead of growing straight down, so he can't wear it down as well. I'm gonna have to clip his teeth. [Picks up a formidable-looking of wire-cutter]

[Nurse pins the valiantly struggling Ah Bao down while Vet approaches menacingly with the wire-cutter thing]

[Vet desperately tries to reach tooth. Vet fails]

[Vet abandons cool wire-cutter in frustration and instead takes out a pair of boring nail clippers. He manages to edge them in and cut off the offending length of tooth. Bao is still struggling wildly]

Vet: I'm gonna give you some antibiotics to suppress any infection. Bring him back in a month's time for a follow-up.

S: Okie.

Thus ended Bao's first visit to the vet's. Schmetterling would like to add that it was equally traumatic for both animal and owner, as Schmetterling had to fork out a massive $60 for Bao's consultation, tooth-clipping and medication. :(

On Hamsters

Well I think it's high time I introduced my boys to my blog and readers. Blog and readers, my boys. Boys, my blog and readers.

*cough*

Ok the temperature just dropped.

Anyway. I own two Siberian hamsters, also known as Winter Whites because their coat turns silvery white in winter, which obviously does not happen in this sweltering heat, so they are mostly blacky-browny-grey-white. And they are of course, my boys, named Ah Xiang and Ah Bao. Don't laugh at the stupid names. They are stupid enough for them.

Xiang and Bao are the *cough* scions *cough* of Dan, the ultimate rodent couch potato (who's with Ger now) and brothers of Hazy, the first case of PMS (perpetual menstrual syndrome, a la HoLY) ever recorded in a non-human mammal(and she's also with Ger now). As you can see, my darling boys have great genes. And Ger has great pets.

Anyway, X&B are the greatest slobs ever in hamster history, which probably stems from being spoilt rotten by their owner ever since they were orphaned (Dora the mommy hamster died) at 10 days old. Xiang and Bao spend their days in typical bachelor-style procrastination. Xiang passes time mostly in deep slumber slouched on the excercise wheel, mouth slightly open as he dreams his little hamster dreams. Maybe he dreams of hot hamster chicks checking him out as he struts it out on the wheel (highly unlikely to happen in real life as he hardly runs on it anyway). Bao is a little more delicate in his habits. He has a private bedroom on the second storey of the cage, where he makes a huge fluffy bed of shredded tissue and plonks himself on it to sleep in luxurious comfort for up to 20 hours.

The only time these guys ever get out of bed is when I shake a packet of gourmet hamster food or a lettuce leaf at them. When that happens, they open their eyes a tiny little bit and give me that sleepy "whaaaaat" look. When they realise I'm actually putting food in the cage, their eyes grow big and round and they run as fast as their short legs can carry their fat round bodies to the foodbowl. Needless to say, upon reaching it, they both attempt to dive headfirst into the bowl of goodies, which, of course leads to a head-on collision and a lot of mortified squeals and bad-tempered shoves. Sigh. Chips off the old block.

Allergic

Schmetterling has concluded that she is allergic to work. Seriously. Schmetterling is mostly okay when she is at home, but once at work, all kinds of health problems start to present themselves:

• headache -- a very painful throbbing that feels like Schmetterling's head is being repeatedly stabbed. Unresponsive even to 2 tablets of Panadol Extra.
• chronic hiccuping- non-stop. Schmetterling's colleagues somehow find this very amusing, which is very evil. Hello, Schmetterling could have acid reflux!
• nausea-- triggered by the horrid smells of the cargo bay. Or maybe it's just the food.
• salt cravings -- Occurs sometimes. Schmetterling will then indulge in salty unhealthy snacks and promptly aquire a sore throat.
• intolerance to cold-- it's FREEZING in the office. Schmetterling wonders how her colleagues can hang around in spaghetti straps and still complain of the heat.

So...maybe Schmetterling shouldn't work at all. Maybe Schmetterling should just laze at home watching DVDs.........

On Flus and Colds

Schmetterling has been incapacitated by the flu for a grand total of 9 days. Do congratulate her. ( For the more scholarly readers, please peruse this article on the differences between colds and flus)

Anyway flus are no good if you have to work, especially when you have a blocked nose, sore throat, and extremely poor vocals.

* Scenario 1 *

[ Phone at office rings ]

Me [picking up phone] : Glug morggin, thi ee ABC companee. [cough cough cough]

Person: Hello, I'd like to enquire if I can make a booking on so-and-so-date for this-and-that event.

Me: Gur. Wdeed daed wdod you lied? [can't help but blow nose]

Person: Huh? Hello?

Me: Yeds?

Person: Pardon?

Me: ...

*Scenario 2 *
[ Supervisor/whatever comes in with a strange person]

Supervisor[to me]: Hey, meet the new manager.

New Manager [big smile and extends hand for handshake]: Oh hello!

Me [simultaneously blows nose and extends other hand]: Oh hi sorry I've get a cold.

New Manager [immediately withdraws hand, smile fades]: Oh then I won't shake hands then. Don't want to get the flu ha ha.

Me [thinks] : Fine.

Neither are flus good when you have to go for orchestra practice :

-the following dialogue is in Chinese-

*Scenario 1*
Conductor/ZYM: Ta ta ta [swings arms around wildly and incomprehensibly] Louder! Louder! More!

[ I put more effort into playing and nearly turn blue in the process]

Me: Wheeze.

[Neighbouring dizi player throws me a wholly unsympathetic skeptical look]

*Scenario 2*

[ 'Tis a solo part for sheng. Die]

ZYM: 1..2...3 go

Me [ giddy and probably hypoxic ]: ? [Doesn't actually realise what's going on until around 3 bars into the music] Oh no.














So now I'm stuck with a runny nose, cough, shortness of breath and six different medications.

Stupid flu bug.

Schmetterling Loves Her Guitar!

Yes. I'm terrible at it, spend three-quarters of my practice time tuning it, and it completely ruins my nails. But I love it all the same. This is an instrument with fire.

And no I do not like guitars that need to be plugged in to something.

If you explore your Windows Media Player, you will eventually find a radio station that plays Broadway musicals. It was then Schmetterling realised the absurd sense of humour some producers have.

For example, there's a musical entitled Zombie Prom. Well that sounds like Schmetterling on her prom night.

There's also one called The 25th Annual Putman County Spelling Bee. What? Schmetterling didn't know spelling bees were suitable material for musicals. What could the songs possibly be about? Spelling?! How boring. Indeed, the songs were about spelling. They include:

• "Why we like Spelling" er.... OKAY. I don't. Rather cute song though. "People love to hate us/‘Cause we’re too damn smart". Reminds me of SOME people. "And we find/We love spelling/It makes us feel normal/We like spelling". Okay that's sick.
• "My Unfortunate Erection" this got me rolling on the floor in laughter. It's about the previous year's adolescent Spelling Bee champion lamenting about being disqualified from the competition due to his.... unfortunate circumstance. "Erection/Erection/My unfortunate erection/Whoa/It’s ruining my life/It’s ruining my world"
• The last line of the song was "Oh GOD!" Hahahahha.

Other funny songs include "Whatever Happened to my Part?!" from the musical Spamalot, where a diva complains about being replaced by Britney Spears, among other things.

" I've no Grammy no Rewards, I've no Tony Awards, I'm Constantly replaced with Britney Spears"

And " I Wannabe a Producer" from Producers. The title isn't THAT funny , but the song opens with :"Unhappy...unhappy..very unhappy/Unhappy...unhappy.../Very very very very very/Very very unhappy " . The persons singing this are accountants. That explains something. " I spend my life accounting/With figures and such " . Yech. What a boring life.

Babies.

Being the not-so-proud aunt of a slobbering 5-month old baby boy, Schmetterling considers herself quite fit to comment upon the habits of infant homo sapiens.

1. Babies seem to be able to produce copious volumes of saliva, most of which end up on the blouses of their mothers, aunts, and grandmothers. It's disgusting, and unhygenic to say the least.
2. Babies have the strange ability of instantly turning normally articulate and serious adults into wussy, cooing imbeciles. "Oh koochikoochikoo..." "da da! baby da da!" UGH. -shivers- And we're supposed to be the most intellegent species on earth. Needless to say, being of superior breeding and intellect, Schmetterling does not deign to participate in such imbecilic activities.
3. Babies smell. Of vomit and milk and every other imaginable icky thing. Sniff.
4. Babies cry. A lot. And it's terrible to hear. Oh yes you can say "it's because they can't talk" and all that, but Schmetterling thinks that it only urges their mothers to get rid of them ASAP. Mothers must have infinite patience.
5. Babies are ugly. Schmetterling hopes that all the baby-lovers and mothers and paedophiles out there won't hit her... it's just a personal opinion. They're pudgy, misproportioned and sometimes bald. Not a pretty picture.

Anyways. Schmetterling doesn't have anything against other people's babies. Schmetterling just thinks she would rather not have any in the distant future.

Schmetterling also does NOT condone any flaming on her tagboard. Thank you.

Hurrah!

Schmetterling hasn't been so happy for a very long time =D.

Schmetterling has just been to see V for Vendetta.

Seriously it's a very entertaining movie!

It's not just an action flick- there's a lot of humour in it too.

Just take that hilarious shot of V in his cool black suit and Guy Fawkes mask, wearing a flowery apron and flipping an egg in a saucepan over a stove. (They claim that french toast is a kind of fried egg but oh well...)

And the extremely witty dialogue and ahem," felicitous use of language " on the part of the hero.

And not to mention very pretty blood-red roses, lots of gory, messy deaths, and huge explosions rocking to the music of Tcaikovsky's 1812 Overture. Wunderbar! You won't believe the exhilaration and sheer joy Schmetterling experienced as she watched the Parliment House being blown to bits, keeping perfect time with each cymbal crash. Schmetterling felt like giving a standing ovation!

Conclusion: just watch it. Wonderful. I would watch it again.







will update more later

A Dream

I had this dream a few weeks ago and I think I told a few of my friends about it.
Nevertheless I shall recount this bizzare dream (with a little salt and pepper added ) for the sake of entertaining the bored souls that peruse my blog. Plus I'm bored as well.

.....

The account begins hence.

....

It was a dark stormy night. Yeah yeah cliched.

I looked out from the shadows of my (strangely muddy and overgrown with vegetation) living room onto my balcony (which had assumed the appearence of a flat plain but was my balcony nonetheless) where an epic battle of Lord of the Rings proportions was taking place. Yes. Balcony. Now pick up your jaw from the floor. This is a freaking dream remember and dreams don't make sense. Beyond the balcony (where there is normally nothing but empty air) lay a vast, grey ocean. A fleet of black ships bobbed up and down not far from shore (shore=railings of balcony). I was apparently wearing some crappy plate armour ( I don't remember if it was silver or bronze or whatever) and riding a very large bay horse that seemed more like a small tank, considering the way it was armoured.

Anyway.

I knew I had to get to the balcony/battlefield/plain/whatever. In dreams you just know you have to do something. Or know things. Whatever. Dreams. Bah. I urged my horse into a trot. And off we went to the balcony/battlefield/plain/whatever. In my own house this takes around five seconds, but in my dream it took rather long... almost as if there were miles between my balcony and living room. Erp.

Anyway I got there on my massive steed. And then I saw her. The bitch. My enemy. Yeah I just knew she was my enemy okay? Don't ask why. Dressed in full armour, mounted on a piebald steed, wild waist-long hair flying, wielding an evil-looking weapon that looked like a cross between a trident and a spear, and looking every inch a barbarian (do barbarians wear armour? -shrug-), the evil woman charged me. The insolence! She charged at me! So obviously, what could I do but charge right back at her?

I suddenly discovered I was wielding a pair of double-edged swords. In retrospect, they may have been the kind called gladius , the term from which the term gladiator is derived, and thus the weapon from which my name is derived. Yes of course I'm talking crap. Gladius were used singly and not in pairs. And remember this was a dream so don't ask how I stayed on the horse with no hands on the reins.

And so we clashed.

Sword against spear. Blades and points against armour.

Fight fight fight. Just imagine the classic battlescenes in LOTR, but catfight style. Haha.

Somehow we got thrown off our horses and continued our combat on foot. I finally managed to corner her between some large potted plants and a wall. My balcony, remember. My balcony has potted plants. After a bit of a struggle, the barbarous bitch, being the cornered rat she was, stuck her (literally) bloody spear into my abdomen and out the other side. Need I say how painful it was? Furious, blind with the pain, I used all my remaining strength and stabbed her in the ribs.

And so.

We both died.


And all this took place on my balcony. Ugh.

This proves that a) I am utterly insane b) I watch too much TV c) this is a warning for me to look out for the evil woman that's going to appear and stab me. :S

random

I came. I saw. And now I can't think of anything to blog, so I'm going to sleep.

RANT

[rant]

What am I? A pathetic, stunted little shrub, struggling, straining in vain to catch a single sunbeam, trying to grow. Overshadowed, crowded out, outcompeted, shoved unceremoniously into the dark shadows of mediocrity. By those tall rainforest trees, forty metres tall, with their huge spreading branches, proudly soaking in an excess of sun, happily ignorant of the plants below that grow yellow and thin in their cast shadows.

But why be a shrub, you ask? Why not be the common moss? Why not be the bits of fern, content just to carpet the dark forest floor?

Because I wanted to be a tree. Because I wanted the glorious sunrays upon my face, because I wanted to be the tallest tree ever, to have eagles perch on my limbs, to feel breezes from far away play with my topmost leaves. But I was a tree that failed, a tree that didn't grow fast enough.

Was it because of the poor soil underneath my roots? Was it because i tried to grow where too many tall trees already grew?

Or was it because I was never a tree after all.

Just a pathetic, stunted little shrub.

That wanted to be a tree.

[/rant]