A Dream

I had this dream a few weeks ago and I think I told a few of my friends about it.
Nevertheless I shall recount this bizzare dream (with a little salt and pepper added ) for the sake of entertaining the bored souls that peruse my blog. Plus I'm bored as well.

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The account begins hence.

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It was a dark stormy night. Yeah yeah cliched.

I looked out from the shadows of my (strangely muddy and overgrown with vegetation) living room onto my balcony (which had assumed the appearence of a flat plain but was my balcony nonetheless) where an epic battle of Lord of the Rings proportions was taking place. Yes. Balcony. Now pick up your jaw from the floor. This is a freaking dream remember and dreams don't make sense. Beyond the balcony (where there is normally nothing but empty air) lay a vast, grey ocean. A fleet of black ships bobbed up and down not far from shore (shore=railings of balcony). I was apparently wearing some crappy plate armour ( I don't remember if it was silver or bronze or whatever) and riding a very large bay horse that seemed more like a small tank, considering the way it was armoured.

Anyway.

I knew I had to get to the balcony/battlefield/plain/whatever. In dreams you just know you have to do something. Or know things. Whatever. Dreams. Bah. I urged my horse into a trot. And off we went to the balcony/battlefield/plain/whatever. In my own house this takes around five seconds, but in my dream it took rather long... almost as if there were miles between my balcony and living room. Erp.

Anyway I got there on my massive steed. And then I saw her. The bitch. My enemy. Yeah I just knew she was my enemy okay? Don't ask why. Dressed in full armour, mounted on a piebald steed, wild waist-long hair flying, wielding an evil-looking weapon that looked like a cross between a trident and a spear, and looking every inch a barbarian (do barbarians wear armour? -shrug-), the evil woman charged me. The insolence! She charged at me! So obviously, what could I do but charge right back at her?

I suddenly discovered I was wielding a pair of double-edged swords. In retrospect, they may have been the kind called gladius , the term from which the term gladiator is derived, and thus the weapon from which my name is derived. Yes of course I'm talking crap. Gladius were used singly and not in pairs. And remember this was a dream so don't ask how I stayed on the horse with no hands on the reins.

And so we clashed.

Sword against spear. Blades and points against armour.

Fight fight fight. Just imagine the classic battlescenes in LOTR, but catfight style. Haha.

Somehow we got thrown off our horses and continued our combat on foot. I finally managed to corner her between some large potted plants and a wall. My balcony, remember. My balcony has potted plants. After a bit of a struggle, the barbarous bitch, being the cornered rat she was, stuck her (literally) bloody spear into my abdomen and out the other side. Need I say how painful it was? Furious, blind with the pain, I used all my remaining strength and stabbed her in the ribs.

And so.

We both died.


And all this took place on my balcony. Ugh.

This proves that a) I am utterly insane b) I watch too much TV c) this is a warning for me to look out for the evil woman that's going to appear and stab me. :S