Schmetterling's Visit to the Foot Reflexologist

Schmetterling has just been for a wonderfully relaxing foot massage.

Don't give Schmetterling that look. Schmetterling knows what you're thinking. No, Schmetterling may not have a broken ankle or anything but Schmetterling needs to relax ok? It's perfectly justifiable for Schmetterling to spend $20 on an invigoratingly painful foot rub.

Anyway Schmetterling was concentrating on suppressing a scream when another sinseh came in with a 6 or 7 year old boy. The poor boy apparently had something terribly wrong with him (perhaps he misbehaved too much?), for the sinseh proceeded to stick a few dozen pins into his head, hands and feet, accompanied by the enthusiastic howling of the little brat. Eventually he completed his task, and the little brat now assumed the appearance of a little bratty porcupine. The sinseh brought in an odd looking contraption with wires and clips, and attached the clips (attached to wires) to the needles that were protruding from his scalp. He then plugged in the contraption to the nearest power point and turned it on, sending pulses of electricity through the wires, clips and down the needles. Now everything was starting to look like a sci-fi horror movie. The brat of course, resumed howling and flopping his little pin-studded hands and feet while his mother looked disinterestedly on.

Meanwhile the reflexologist attending to Schmetterling was pummelling and prodding and kneading Schmetterling's feet. After a few particularly hard prods, he looked up at Schmetterling and stated solemnly "You have a gassy stomach and hiccup often." and resumed prodding and kneading. A few minutes or so later, he looked up again and annouced " you are something of an insomniac" and proceeded to pound his fists on Schmetterling's calves.

Schmetterling did not think that foot reflexologists were supposed to be psychics.

On Why Women Should Not Wear Low Cut Tops

..

It merely increases the probability of a cockroach falling into your cleavage.

...

And I wasn't wearing anythign particularly revealing.


I hate cockroaches.

Ah Bao's Visit to the Vet

One stuffy Friday evening, Schmetterling returned home from practice very hot and tired. Stumbling into her room, she sensed that something wasn't right. So she trotted over to the cage, where Xiang immediately ran to her looking for a tidbit. Bao however remained quietly in a corner looking very miserable indeed, almost as if he were nursing an extremely bad toothache. Being an ultra-responsible pet owner, Schmetterling immediately panicked and spent the rest of the night Googling for the addresses of nearby veterinary clinics.

The next morning, Schmetterling hurriedly packed Ah Bao into a carrier cage, ignoring the squeals of laughter coming from her father who was highly amused at the thought of bringing a rat to see a doctor, and set off for the nearest vet. clinic in Sembawang.

Upon reaching, Schmetterling felt highly uneasy holding Bao in his little cage, as the clinic was packed full of huge hungry-looking carnivorous canines that were just paying too much attention to the carrier. Thus Schmetterling passed time in the waiting room hugging the cage close and eyeing all the dogs with great suspicion.

"Um how do you pronounce B-a-o?" "Um. Beaw?" Overhearing this conversation between the veterinary nurses, Schmetterling knew it was Ah Bao's turn for consultation. She entered the consultation room only to find a very skinny pale bespectacled vet in a white lab coat next to a rather large and tanned nurse.

Vet: So what's wrong with him?

S: He isn't eating or drinking and he's been twitching a lot.

Vet: Hmm. He still looks pretty alert. [Picks up sleepy Ah Bao]

Vet: Ah... Looks like his mouth is a bit swollen. [Pries Ah Bao's mouth open, to his extreme consternation. Excessively long incisors come into view]

Vet: Ah... look his teeth are too long. It's curving backwards and cutting into the flesh of the mouth, which is causing him some pain. That's why he doesn't feel like eating much. You see? [Pries Bao's mouth even bigger] Rodent's teeth never stop growing.

S: Ah yes. Oh dear. It's very odd, because he has a wood block to chew on.

Vet: His teeth curve backwards instead of growing straight down, so he can't wear it down as well. I'm gonna have to clip his teeth. [Picks up a formidable-looking of wire-cutter]

[Nurse pins the valiantly struggling Ah Bao down while Vet approaches menacingly with the wire-cutter thing]

[Vet desperately tries to reach tooth. Vet fails]

[Vet abandons cool wire-cutter in frustration and instead takes out a pair of boring nail clippers. He manages to edge them in and cut off the offending length of tooth. Bao is still struggling wildly]

Vet: I'm gonna give you some antibiotics to suppress any infection. Bring him back in a month's time for a follow-up.

S: Okie.

Thus ended Bao's first visit to the vet's. Schmetterling would like to add that it was equally traumatic for both animal and owner, as Schmetterling had to fork out a massive $60 for Bao's consultation, tooth-clipping and medication. :(

On Hamsters

Well I think it's high time I introduced my boys to my blog and readers. Blog and readers, my boys. Boys, my blog and readers.

*cough*

Ok the temperature just dropped.

Anyway. I own two Siberian hamsters, also known as Winter Whites because their coat turns silvery white in winter, which obviously does not happen in this sweltering heat, so they are mostly blacky-browny-grey-white. And they are of course, my boys, named Ah Xiang and Ah Bao. Don't laugh at the stupid names. They are stupid enough for them.

Xiang and Bao are the *cough* scions *cough* of Dan, the ultimate rodent couch potato (who's with Ger now) and brothers of Hazy, the first case of PMS (perpetual menstrual syndrome, a la HoLY) ever recorded in a non-human mammal(and she's also with Ger now). As you can see, my darling boys have great genes. And Ger has great pets.

Anyway, X&B are the greatest slobs ever in hamster history, which probably stems from being spoilt rotten by their owner ever since they were orphaned (Dora the mommy hamster died) at 10 days old. Xiang and Bao spend their days in typical bachelor-style procrastination. Xiang passes time mostly in deep slumber slouched on the excercise wheel, mouth slightly open as he dreams his little hamster dreams. Maybe he dreams of hot hamster chicks checking him out as he struts it out on the wheel (highly unlikely to happen in real life as he hardly runs on it anyway). Bao is a little more delicate in his habits. He has a private bedroom on the second storey of the cage, where he makes a huge fluffy bed of shredded tissue and plonks himself on it to sleep in luxurious comfort for up to 20 hours.

The only time these guys ever get out of bed is when I shake a packet of gourmet hamster food or a lettuce leaf at them. When that happens, they open their eyes a tiny little bit and give me that sleepy "whaaaaat" look. When they realise I'm actually putting food in the cage, their eyes grow big and round and they run as fast as their short legs can carry their fat round bodies to the foodbowl. Needless to say, upon reaching it, they both attempt to dive headfirst into the bowl of goodies, which, of course leads to a head-on collision and a lot of mortified squeals and bad-tempered shoves. Sigh. Chips off the old block.

Allergic

Schmetterling has concluded that she is allergic to work. Seriously. Schmetterling is mostly okay when she is at home, but once at work, all kinds of health problems start to present themselves:

• headache -- a very painful throbbing that feels like Schmetterling's head is being repeatedly stabbed. Unresponsive even to 2 tablets of Panadol Extra.
• chronic hiccuping- non-stop. Schmetterling's colleagues somehow find this very amusing, which is very evil. Hello, Schmetterling could have acid reflux!
• nausea-- triggered by the horrid smells of the cargo bay. Or maybe it's just the food.
• salt cravings -- Occurs sometimes. Schmetterling will then indulge in salty unhealthy snacks and promptly aquire a sore throat.
• intolerance to cold-- it's FREEZING in the office. Schmetterling wonders how her colleagues can hang around in spaghetti straps and still complain of the heat.

So...maybe Schmetterling shouldn't work at all. Maybe Schmetterling should just laze at home watching DVDs.........

On Flus and Colds

Schmetterling has been incapacitated by the flu for a grand total of 9 days. Do congratulate her. ( For the more scholarly readers, please peruse this article on the differences between colds and flus)

Anyway flus are no good if you have to work, especially when you have a blocked nose, sore throat, and extremely poor vocals.

* Scenario 1 *

[ Phone at office rings ]

Me [picking up phone] : Glug morggin, thi ee ABC companee. [cough cough cough]

Person: Hello, I'd like to enquire if I can make a booking on so-and-so-date for this-and-that event.

Me: Gur. Wdeed daed wdod you lied? [can't help but blow nose]

Person: Huh? Hello?

Me: Yeds?

Person: Pardon?

Me: ...

*Scenario 2 *
[ Supervisor/whatever comes in with a strange person]

Supervisor[to me]: Hey, meet the new manager.

New Manager [big smile and extends hand for handshake]: Oh hello!

Me [simultaneously blows nose and extends other hand]: Oh hi sorry I've get a cold.

New Manager [immediately withdraws hand, smile fades]: Oh then I won't shake hands then. Don't want to get the flu ha ha.

Me [thinks] : Fine.

Neither are flus good when you have to go for orchestra practice :

-the following dialogue is in Chinese-

*Scenario 1*
Conductor/ZYM: Ta ta ta [swings arms around wildly and incomprehensibly] Louder! Louder! More!

[ I put more effort into playing and nearly turn blue in the process]

Me: Wheeze.

[Neighbouring dizi player throws me a wholly unsympathetic skeptical look]

*Scenario 2*

[ 'Tis a solo part for sheng. Die]

ZYM: 1..2...3 go

Me [ giddy and probably hypoxic ]: ? [Doesn't actually realise what's going on until around 3 bars into the music] Oh no.














So now I'm stuck with a runny nose, cough, shortness of breath and six different medications.

Stupid flu bug.

Schmetterling Loves Her Guitar!

Yes. I'm terrible at it, spend three-quarters of my practice time tuning it, and it completely ruins my nails. But I love it all the same. This is an instrument with fire.

And no I do not like guitars that need to be plugged in to something.