-private chuckle-
I remember all too well the days of lame jokes and relentless teasing. Days when we should have been buried up to our noses in TYS-es and notes and tutorials, or doing something productive, but wasted in the invention of hilarious (and extremely improbable) scenarios.
Anyway to liven up my 85.673% dead blog, I present you with a series of short jokes/scenarios that my friends and I cooked up.
Warning: Lame, may cause physical impairment in limbs
(A) In The Event of War
Introduction: Inspired by my second-sister's complaints of NS making people stupid. (Yes my second-sister is male).
It is the time of war.
Shells explode overhead.
The captain sees the enemy approach, and shouts an order to his men.
"Fire at will!"
"Yes sir!" An enthusiastic soldier whips out his rifle, swings it around and fires a round into his buddy's face.
As the poor soldier falls limp to the ground amid horrified stares, we see the name on his uniform.
Private Will.
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
Sunday, June 25, 2006
On Instruments
I have a grand total of five instruments at home, four of which are now busy collecting dust.
Well since I haven't blogged for several millennia and I have nothing better to do, I shall say a few words in tribute of my most constant companions.
Introduction
As a person who finds it incredibly difficult to open her mouth and yabble like the rest of her species, Schmetterling doesn't find release easily or often. Schmetterling doesn't even have a social life worth a butterfly wing-scale. Thus, Schmetterling's most intimate friends are inanimate objects hewn out of wood.
The piano
Schmetterling has played the piano for some time but still doesn't manage to be much good at it. Schmetterling goes to the piano to find tranquility and peace by working out anger and frustration. (Prelude in C# minor by Rachmaninoff works just fine..) Or just to clear the head from incessantly whirling thoughts. Schmetterling plays to hear richness and complexity and long sustained sounds, which distract her from the meaningless goings-on of daily life.
The sheng
Perhaps this is what Schmetterling plays best, but she plays it seldom now. Schmetterling seeks it when she wishes to sing of joy, youth and boundless energy (which is obviously quite seldom), or when she just wants to hear sweet sounds. Of course, Schmetterling also plays when she is told she must. (-sulk-) The sheng has taken Schmetterling on the furthest road (and vice versa actually, with the result of the sheng being the only one of Schmetterling's instruments to have seen Orchard Road) and has been the catalyst for finding many of Schmetterling's joys in life.
Rambling note : One does not know how exhilarating it feels to play a wind instrument until one has learnt to play one with some skill.
The guitar
Newest and most unfamiliar of Schmetterling's instruments. Nonetheless it serves the purpose of expressing Schmetterling's abundant feelings of self-pity and melancholy. Schmetterling loves to hear the minor chords resonate, and to feel the bite of nylon strings into flesh.
I blogged. Be happy.
Well since I haven't blogged for several millennia and I have nothing better to do, I shall say a few words in tribute of my most constant companions.
Introduction
As a person who finds it incredibly difficult to open her mouth and yabble like the rest of her species, Schmetterling doesn't find release easily or often. Schmetterling doesn't even have a social life worth a butterfly wing-scale. Thus, Schmetterling's most intimate friends are inanimate objects hewn out of wood.
The piano
Schmetterling has played the piano for some time but still doesn't manage to be much good at it. Schmetterling goes to the piano to find tranquility and peace by working out anger and frustration. (Prelude in C# minor by Rachmaninoff works just fine..) Or just to clear the head from incessantly whirling thoughts. Schmetterling plays to hear richness and complexity and long sustained sounds, which distract her from the meaningless goings-on of daily life.
The sheng
Perhaps this is what Schmetterling plays best, but she plays it seldom now. Schmetterling seeks it when she wishes to sing of joy, youth and boundless energy (which is obviously quite seldom), or when she just wants to hear sweet sounds. Of course, Schmetterling also plays when she is told she must. (-sulk-) The sheng has taken Schmetterling on the furthest road (and vice versa actually, with the result of the sheng being the only one of Schmetterling's instruments to have seen Orchard Road) and has been the catalyst for finding many of Schmetterling's joys in life.
Rambling note : One does not know how exhilarating it feels to play a wind instrument until one has learnt to play one with some skill.
The guitar
Newest and most unfamiliar of Schmetterling's instruments. Nonetheless it serves the purpose of expressing Schmetterling's abundant feelings of self-pity and melancholy. Schmetterling loves to hear the minor chords resonate, and to feel the bite of nylon strings into flesh.
I blogged. Be happy.
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
On the Perils of Short Legs in War
I have just bought a new computer game : The Battle for Middle Earth 2 PC game. Whee. Of course I am uber enthusiastic about it, being a hardcore Tolkien fan and all, but it is a really nice game. Take the graphics for example. At certain points in the game, for example, you see a breathtaking, pure, holy shaft of white light pierce through the gently falling snow and illuminate the path below. And of course it's accompanied by uplifting choral voices singing "aaaaaahhhh aaaahhhhh AHHHHH!" (from the original film soundtrack, no less) to signify that something wonderful has just happened and you've been blessed or something (of course you'd be clueless, but that isn't the point). Also, the Elven dwellings are just magnificent. There is this mallorn/mallard/macdonald tree or something that you grow for food and it has gold and bronze leaves! Shiny leaves! Orcs, trolls and other fashionably evil stuff are also picturesquely grotesque (wrinkles, ugly pout, abdominal fat, uneven tan etc.)
Anyway, that isn't the point. Back to the main topic, which is about the Perils of Short Legs in War. This is something important I have learnt from playing this game.
Well, in one of the campaign scenarios I had to command battalions of Dwarves, which are bearded, short, stout and slow. I would like to point out what I was facing at that point of time was hordes of the Dark Lord's prancing Orcs and Spiders and what not which are significantly faster then my short-legged allies. So when the happy occasion of an enemy attack comes, my army is pelted with generous helpings of poison arrows and flaming shot that fries them to a crisp before they even manage to prick the enemy with the edge of an axe. It is also extremely disheartening to watch your army execute a painfully slow charge order ( I swear they WADDLE to battle) while huge boulders fired from enemy catapaults whiz over their heads ( and occasionally flatten them). You can almost imagine the grin on Sauron's face. Wait. Sauron doesn't have a face. Grin on his Eye? Nevermind.
Anyway. It seems as if short legs were not meant for the battlefield. What would Dwarves do if they had to fight a Mountain Giant anyway? Hack at his pinkie toe?
Anyway, that isn't the point. Back to the main topic, which is about the Perils of Short Legs in War. This is something important I have learnt from playing this game.
Well, in one of the campaign scenarios I had to command battalions of Dwarves, which are bearded, short, stout and slow. I would like to point out what I was facing at that point of time was hordes of the Dark Lord's prancing Orcs and Spiders and what not which are significantly faster then my short-legged allies. So when the happy occasion of an enemy attack comes, my army is pelted with generous helpings of poison arrows and flaming shot that fries them to a crisp before they even manage to prick the enemy with the edge of an axe. It is also extremely disheartening to watch your army execute a painfully slow charge order ( I swear they WADDLE to battle) while huge boulders fired from enemy catapaults whiz over their heads ( and occasionally flatten them). You can almost imagine the grin on Sauron's face. Wait. Sauron doesn't have a face. Grin on his Eye? Nevermind.
Anyway. It seems as if short legs were not meant for the battlefield. What would Dwarves do if they had to fight a Mountain Giant anyway? Hack at his pinkie toe?
Thursday, June 01, 2006
BeeBee the Paranoid Schizophrenic Fish
BeeBee (real name is not given due to privacy issues) is a paranoid schizophrenic Siamese Fighting Fish.
BeeBee resides in a plastic tank in Schmetterling's student's HDB flat and is of indeterminate age. BeeBee was diagnosed with Paranoid Schizophrenia three weeks ago when he scared the hell out of Schmetterling by banging his nose very hard on the tank walls, thinking that yours truly was Satan incarnate and out to murder him in cold blood (which is strange because he is cold-blooded anyway).
BeeBee continually experiences horrifying hallucinations, in which he thinks that he is being attacked on all sides. During such episodes (which strangely usually occur during tuition), BeeBee goes stark raving mad and dashes all around the tank with gills flared, and usually ends up with a bloody face and several missing scales. In between episodes BeeBee just phases out with a glassy look on his fishy face.
To help BeeBee overcome his mental disorder, his owner has put in a porcelain hideout to provide him with a sense of security and thus perhaps prevent panic attacks. However this has not worked as the ever-paranoid BeeBee seems to think it is all some kind of trap and refuses to stay in the hideout for more than a few seconds at a time.
It is also suspected that BeeBee hears voices in his little fishy head telling him that Schmetterling is Satan incarnate.
BeeBee resides in a plastic tank in Schmetterling's student's HDB flat and is of indeterminate age. BeeBee was diagnosed with Paranoid Schizophrenia three weeks ago when he scared the hell out of Schmetterling by banging his nose very hard on the tank walls, thinking that yours truly was Satan incarnate and out to murder him in cold blood (which is strange because he is cold-blooded anyway).
BeeBee continually experiences horrifying hallucinations, in which he thinks that he is being attacked on all sides. During such episodes (which strangely usually occur during tuition), BeeBee goes stark raving mad and dashes all around the tank with gills flared, and usually ends up with a bloody face and several missing scales. In between episodes BeeBee just phases out with a glassy look on his fishy face.
To help BeeBee overcome his mental disorder, his owner has put in a porcelain hideout to provide him with a sense of security and thus perhaps prevent panic attacks. However this has not worked as the ever-paranoid BeeBee seems to think it is all some kind of trap and refuses to stay in the hideout for more than a few seconds at a time.
It is also suspected that BeeBee hears voices in his little fishy head telling him that Schmetterling is Satan incarnate.
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